Five past two in the morning and Tess has just woken me up so she can go outside and growl at some leaves and I am now wide awake. What better way to pass a small hour than write the blog. Predictably, Tess is now back in front of the still glowing embers of the fire, fast asleep in her basket. She must have spent all of three minutes outside and I doubt I will get back to sleep until I have mentally rewired and plumbed the entire house.

Both those projects are nearer to reality now and pipes and cables are beginning to emerge from walls and ceilings where they will probably dangle for a few more months before connection, It will be a relief to renew the wiring in this old house as there are a number of idiosyncrasies with the existing system, none more worrying that the plug point which melted and began to smoke when last year’s xmas lights were plugged in. There are miles ( well metres anyway) of thick, heavy duty looking cable zig zagging the house but they don’t seem to result in much. We have five lights and nine power points, of which six work, and one of those is below the leaking sink…..(I must fix that!) so it is definitely in need of an overhaul at chez nous.

Martin is coming over this morning to help me install the second of the velux windows and once that is in we will be able to motor on with the insulation of the second quarter of the “liveable” house. Judging by the weather forecast for the end of November that will be a welcome development. It has been pretty mild of late and we have been luxuriating in the warmth thrown off by the woodburner but it will be interesting to see how we cope when the outside temperature does its arctic impression. I remember last year being depressingly cold so roll out the SF19 Superfoil.

The doors are now all assembled and glued and dowelled together and the glass is ordered. It’s generally a long and unnecessarily laborious process when I undertake to do something but I think we can see light at the end of the tunnel. Fitting those doors will be a big moment for me and Rozzy as it certainly acts as a progress marker. The amount of times we have looked at the rotting, hole ridden, moulding and puttyless old doors that currently do nothing of great value in either aspect of security or insulation and sighed…“one day” …that day is nigh

We are preparing for winter by doing important things such as making toffee, pickling onions and chestnut soup. I have to say the latter was truly delicious and the former too if a bit crumbly and not very toffee like. We will have to give that another go. We have found some medlars behind the stables so we should try and do something with those too. They are peculiar looking crab apple sized fruits with a strange crowned top and a rough brown skin that are only good to eat at the early stage of decay. We didn’t have a clue what they were let alone that they were edible until Hugh Fernley whatisface started raving about them on the telly. Apparently they make a rather nice jelly that goes well with pork and as that is what we are having for Christmas dinner this year it seems appropriate to make some, if we can find the time.

Next Monday it is Tess the pups’ first birthday. We were supposed to be inviting Dantae, Trixie, Lana, Zola and all her other buddies (and their owners) over for a bit of a party but quite honestly I don’t think I can be bothered . That is what this dull drizzly autumnal weather does for you. I think she will have to settle for a fun walk with Dantae somewhere and with opening the card and present that her Nannie has already sent through the post for her. Tess is the closest she is going to get to a grandchild on this side of the channel.

The rest of the menagerie are doing well, unlike one of Judiths hens, Thelma, who appears to be in severe respiratory distress and is wheezing away like a 60 a day smoker. I checked out my chicken encyclopaedia and the internet for her yesterday and the advice seemed to be to separate the chicken, keep her out of draughts and give her an oral antibiotic.
Judith went along to the vets this morning for some more expert advice and the local vet just told her to slash her throat, pluck and eat her. Apparently the receptionist cracked up at Judiths look of absolute horror so we are not sure if they were serious or not.  Twenty euros later she came out with antibiotic, wormer and left behind a bemused vet.

Neil is continuing making the doors for the patio and bedroom. He currently has his head down in textbooks from college as he is about to glue them up and having spent a fortune in oak and man hours making them a mistake at this stage would be catastrophic. (catastrophe is my middle name….Neil)

This weekend in Chalus there will be a sale of trees. I would really like a large Christmas tree to put out the back of the house so that I can hang lots of festive lights at Christmas time but everyone seems to think the thing to do is to go into the forest and ‘acquire’ one. I suppose if Judith and I go out ‘off roading’ with the land rover it wouldn’t look too suspicious if we take the dogs and a large shovel - purely for dog training purposes you understand - after all, until Monday she is still a pup isn’t she?

Im glad Roz has chosen this method of tree acquisition as by Christmas we will be so broke we wont be able to light a candle let alone fork out for a tree. She is just reminding me that she goes back to do some work in early Dec so it looks like the tree is back on…I’ll shut my face shall I?

I was watching the John Prescott documentary on ‘class’ the other day. It made interesting viewing and got me to thinking about the sort (ok class) of people that move out here and how we all ‘fit’ in .

We couldn’t quite understand what any of them gained from their friendship other than the ability to converse without difficulty. I’m sure that had these people met whilst living in England they would never have remained in contact. It was like a little British club, and although I’m sure they all felt more comfortable for it, it just seemed really pointless.

You meet several ‘types’ of people here, the ones who have lived here for years before the ‘change your life - live in a hovel’ programmes and introduce themselves by carefully including the amount of time they have habited here, thereby implying that however you may feel, you will never attain their standing, and also the people who haven’t lived here as long as they would have liked to but certainly don’t want any other Brits arriving - how awful!!

The retired, many of whom wish they could have got here earlier but have been forced to wait until their pensions kicked in, but would have so loved to have done it earlier so that they too had the health necessary to lug massive pieces of oak into position and knock up tons of concrete for that outbuilding or patio.

The people, formally of decent job and income who, having satisfied their ‘back to nature’ curiosity and renovated their little piece of France are now scratching around for what to do next and frankly missing Marks and Spencer.

You don’t meet many upper classes here - at least not where we frequent - I can only imagine that the Limousin doesn’t tick all the boxes that the south of France or other areas of the globe do if you have a large disposable income.

People like us who have come here with a wish to be mortgage free and to live in the countryside simply. Apparently 50% of those who come here return for one reason or another.

We cringe at the British who don’t even attempt to speak in French in the local shops, and the ones who gather together in bars taking over and not wanting to integrate at all. Time after time we meet French people who are having to learn English because of the influx of Brits with no intention of speaking French and who somehow feel it is their right to be spoken to in their own tongue.

Learning French is a slow process, and difficult when there are a million and one other things to do. Paperwork and phone calls can be a nightmare, but isn’t it all part of the experience of living in a foreign country that we came for?

There is a sort of snobbery with some people that you meet here, proving that the class system is still alive and kicking amongst us, albeit hidden vaguely underneath the surface, and you can see it in their faces when you meet people and they ask you what you did in your former life - but I have to say that on the whole and for the most part we have been lucky to meet a wonderful collection of people.

After our experience in the Loire we always said that should we move here we would never be friends with people just because they are British and we are happy to say that we never have.

Well, mission accomplished and we now have three 250 x 150 mm by 5 metre beams resting across the barn, sitting one end on the new wall and the other end somewhat precariously wedged into gaps in the stone wall that currently divides the house and adjoining barn . This means that we now have a continuous first floor and can walk from where the plasterboard and tools are stored to where we will actually need them without use of ladder - genius!!

The positioning of said beams was a miracle of brawn over brain as we hauled them into position using rope slung over the beams holding up the roof. As we were both rather keen to try and do the job ourselves without calling for help we huffed, puffed and shoved finally getting them in place. I then got Dennis (well over 6 foot) to stand and jump underneath them, thus proving that we do have enough head room for the lounge. It will be a bit on the low side but that is so much more cosy than a room without the risk of concussion at every turn don’t you think?

Having been to the Dournazac fete last weekend we were encouraged by a stall holder who has opened a new improved wine store in the village to bring some friends along to their degustation week. This seemed like a great idea so a few of us crammed into a car and went along. The new shop is lovely and we enjoyed trying the various wines, all really different. We were given a bucket to throw away those that were not to our taste but this was rarely used.

We came back home afterwards and had an impromptu drinking session, and we managed to pad out the chilli that had been tea for the two of us to feed six (further proof should we need it that we eat ridiculously huge portions) and I got rather carried away with vodka and some absinthe that had been a present from Helen, setting fire to just about everything on the table whilst trying to light the sugar cube on the special spoon.

The following day we sobered up rather quickly as it seemed that whilst we had been merrily trying the wines a fox had been merrily tasting our chicken, and has had the mother of our chicks away. Such is the risk we run for allowing the hens the freedom to be completely free range. We hate seeing them penned into their run, even though it is a decent size, but losing one is a hard price to pay. Neil was kicking himself as when he had shut them away the previous night, albeit slightly worse for wear, he had forgotten to take a torch to do the customary head count. It would have been too late to do anything about it of course, but we felt we had neglected our duty.

We haven’t had any time to sit around and mope though as the night after we had a party at sausage Pams, and then the night after that it was a Halloween firework party at Marcus and Lisas. As usual that decended into a karaoke drinking fest and we got home just before 5. Still it did mean that I finally got Neil to take a day off - if only because he felt too rubbish to do anything!!

He is now cracking on with the en-suite which is taking shape nicely - it will be wonderful in the depths of winter not to be lying in bed, desperate for a pee but not wanting to brave the freezing temperatures on the way to the downstairs bathroom!!

Such luxury!!

Firstly this week I have to offer abject apologies for my blog omission last week. In my defence I can only say that we were still in London and a tad busy loading the van (mostly with baked beans it would seem) and preparing for the long trundle back down to the Limousin. Other than that I guess I can only offer early onset dementia and associated forgetfulness as a supporting mitigation. I dont suppose my aimless drivel was particularly missed although Roz has raised the bar considerably with her last two stand in offerings so I’d best try to make this vaguely interesting and relevant to life this side of the pond.

Our drive down was in glorious sunshine. and the sight of the beautiful rolling countryside of the Creuse and Haute Vienne that greeted us twelve hours after leaving was very welcome. Having spent three weeks entirely surrounded by concrete and leaden skies my spirit lifted and I was reminded again of the benefits of our disjointed but delicious lifestyle.

We were both completely fatigued the next morning and the prospect of unloading the van was one which was averted at each opportunity. Inevitably the desire to look at our new toys ( in my case a new chop saw, a mortice machine and a set of router cutters and in Roz’s, the last three editions of Heat) overcame our reluctance and soon the house was littered with bags, boxes,bacon, tea bags (4200) , Red Leicester and Chedder (8kg) and tins of beans (176). We also managed to find space in the van for our three piece suite ( even though its only a two piece) which we have been seperated from for nearly four years now, so to have that back in our house is a momentus occassion.We also loaded into the van our Judith’s long awaited range cooker which she was ever so excited about getting. I think a dinner invitation is just around the corner.

Today is beautiful. We have enjoyed simple pleasures such as trudging across the frosty grass to let the chickens out and watching four large jets of warm air billow out of the horses noses as they wait expectantly for their feed. I chased Tess around the garden in my dressing gown which in other environments may have had the neighbours wishing me locked up for the night, but no such problem here. I can air my idiosychronicies here with abandon. My only mild concern is that our mate Martin may whizz past in his van and that guy doesnt miss anything. Once he has something to report he is amazingly diligent in his distribution.

Talking of Martin, Roz got him to come down and install a velux for us while I was away which has been a great motivator as that means I can (but probably wont any time soon) get on with building the partition walls for the en-suite and then putting the loo in. It is imperative really considering we have both sets of parents coming for Xmas. Im hoping I may be able to get another window in soon so we can actually see where we are upstairs. I have tried eating carrots but that just isnt helping with this degree of darkness.

At the weekend we collected about 7 kg of chestnuts and had them processed at nearby Dournazac, home of the annual chestnut fete. It is a really good fete but so incredibly busy that it was difficult to enjoy it this year. Instead we came home and made chestnut soup which is absolutely delicious. I can see it being a regular in our house, particularly as the freezer is now full of chestnuts! At the fete we met our local wine merchant selling chestnut beer which I tried. It really was very good. He told us to visit his shop in the village which we will do later today as he has a wine tasting session….this could end up very messily.

Today we are making way for the first of the large old beams that will carry the first floor. They are pretty heavy but I think we should be able to manage between Roz and I. If not we can always recruit Dennis, the worlds most willing and available vounteer. Friends are brilliant aren’t they. This is also an exciting event for us as it means we will be able to link the first floor together and access the entire floor without the need of a ladder. Little things eh?

I really should be getting ready to return to the UK, as I am flying back tomorrow to attend the wedding of Neils sister Michelle. I’ve always loved a good wedding, but now happily ensconced in our house after several years of nomadic living and with the company of our animals it is hard to leave.

Things have been made slightly more complicated because Jane (henceforth known as calamity), owner of Rita and head horse honcho in my absence had a bit of an equine prang two days ago when her horse ejected her at speed on a track, breaking her clavicle. I feel so sorry for her as she has just got over mincing her fingers in a wood shredder and is pretty hacked off at this latest disaster. The only thing vaguely cheering her up is the hatching of four of Regs’ offspring yesterday to their young broody hen. Den her husband who is a strapping six plus footer is in a huge state of excitement, and as I arrived to deliver some huge steaks courtesy of David at the organic farm yesterday he was leaping up and down shouting “there’s four!! there’s four!!”

Neil is best man at the wedding on Saturday, and has been fitted for a suit at a very posh outfitters in Esher, Surrey. I am hoping that I will look vaguely ok but at present I have no idea how I will look as I have ordered a dress on eBay, and it has been delivered to Surrey - so here’s hoping!!! I’m also waiting for a necklace to arrive to go with this outfit - another eBay bargain, but seeing as it is coming from Tibet it might not be here in time. Still at £2.99 I thought it was worth the risk. I will take a standby outfit, but seeing as Neil took our case which is the largest you can get on hand luggage with Ryanair leaving me with a much smaller one (despite the fact he went back in a big van), my room for taking a second choice is limited.

I popped in to see how Martin, ace builder is getting on at his new project the other day. He is renovating a house in the centre of a village and is going to bring it back to its former glory. I can’t believe how fast he works, he isn’t there full time but the amount of work he has done is staggering, although the mairie is holding him up with all the permissions needed for the outside of the house. No change there then!! They wont let him remove a section of roof that is so dangerous it will fall down sometime soon. I can’t wait to see how the place progresses, I think it’s lovely.

Marcus has just popped over to borrow our paslode nail gun and has left his enormous but gorgeous dog Dantae here to play with Tess for the day - as we speak I can hear them rolling around in the hallway probably creating even more chaos than is normal in this household. Excuse me while I boot them out….

Ps having just had a chat with Judith, Helen will be pleased to know that following yesterdays visit from her sons, she is being given a huge pumpkin for the kids for Halloween which will need to be dug out and decorated - that will give you a nice break from the paperwork - as if you haven’t got enough to do!!

Complimentary baubles? Well I know where you can buy some. I went with Judith and her mum to the lovely (but pricey) new garden centre in Limoges this morning to find the entire centre section converted to a garish Christmas heaven. It’s the beginning of October for heavens sake. I don’t even want to start thinking about Christmas until about two weeks beforehand when admittedly I do get carried away with large pine trees and sparkly lights. In fact last year had anyone suffered from epilepsy and driven past our house I think they would have gone immediately in status epilepticus on passing the funky lcd flashing lightshow on display in the trunk of the ancient wisteria outside. You could see it lighting up the road from about a 5km radius. Fantastic.

I have also been for my French lesson which has left me slightly brain addled, but my teacher is absolutely lovely. A bit too lovely I think as she has a five month old puppy who is a cross Labrador/Beauceron that is so completely unruly it makes Tess seem like a Kennel Club obedience champion, and she seems at the end of her wits with it.

When I arrived this morning there was a dog bed and what looked like several magazines shredded under the table, and when I lent her my “So your dog’s not Lassie” book she almost wept with relief. This dog training lark is a bit of a nightmare at times. I am a great believer that it is all common sense, but Tess has left us totally exasperated at times and even now at approaching a year old she still isn’t perfectly trained but a work in progress.

So that I can have a quiet lesson I take Tess along and then she and teachers pet race round the garden like mad things. As I left today teacher was surveying the damage (not from Tess thankfully) but of holes dug, plants destroyed and edging strips scattered around the garden. You could see on her face this was not the dream of dog ownership she had had. Even Tess is grateful to get away after an hour and a half.

I have spent a good part of the last week sanding the garden furniture and looking at the pool, finally coming to terms with the fact that Summer is indeed over and that I need to take it down. Mind you there was a freaky wind storm the other day which scattered my greenhouse and hundreds of pots around the garden. Very weird. I hadn’t even noticed it in the house. I was far too busy inside thinking - Yuk - looks crap out there - must light the fire and get the mulled wine on!!

The chickens are all moulting and look a right ragged lot. Reg has been behaving himself and staying in the run of late. Perhaps he feels that in his present de-feathered state he would be laughed at. Whatever you say about Reg though he is a fertile beast and yet another friends hen is sitting on more of his offspring to be.

The current brood are growing rapidly and I am trying desperately not to get attached and call them names. Mind you a friend of ours has just had a nightmare experience trying to despatch one of her brood so this meat production may come to a rapid end and we will be over run with chickens before we know it if we have a similar experience. Neil seems confident he can do the deed having had to dispatch a blind chick at about two days old. I am not so sure. We will see.

Today is an organising day as I’m preparing to return to the UK tomorrow for my oldest pals stag do. Coincidentally he is marrying my sister so that keeps it all neatly in the family! The stag do is at the racecourse at Fontwell so I think I may need to keep off the beer until the opportunity to hand over vast sums of money to a bandit in a titfer tat has passed. Best laid plans and all that….I hope the medic event company I work for has plenty on this month!!

Quite aside from potentially losing my shirt at the races we also have to get our trusty old van through its mot. This also has potential to be expensive but Im hoping that keeping my fingers crossed and a big bag of doughnuts for the tester will work wonders for me. I know Judith Little Bowes is very hopeful for success with our mot test as we are bringing her new cooker back with us. The intention is to load the oven with red leicester and bacon to keep her up to favourable stock levels.

I already have quite a list of other goodies to bring back for people, several trays of baked beans and two thousand tea bags for example and knowing how these things tend to escalate Im hoping to still have room to bring back the insulation, timber, tools and bags of crap that are still clogging up our friends and relatives loft space, that I’ve actually gone back for. She’s like a little tardis our van so I dont really envisage a problem.

I think it proves that Roz is completely barking that our dog Tess now has her own facebook page. It is slightly worrying that Tess now has 12 friends all of whom (apart from one other dog - Tess’s best mate) are what would be considered normal people of normal intelligence but still wish to correspond with a dog. We’re not all locked up yet.

The chicks are doing well and growing very fast. They are getting their first experience of rain today after a week or two of absolutely lovely weather, but as I type the clouds are thinning and the sun seems to be trying to get a look in..

You know blogging is getting tough when you spend ten minutes writing and re-writing the title. I still haven’t come up with anything relevant let alone witty or interesting as we tend to like our strap lines to be so without further ado I shall continue titleless.

Firstly I must offer abject apologies for my omission last week which I know left ten of readers (counting just my family) dissapointed. There is, unfortunately, no hilariously funny or embarrasing reason for this,we just plain forgot.

Anyway, this week we have been surprised by Gaffer, our sitting hen who chose to sit on anothers egg while her eight went cold. Contrary to most opinions, mine included, five of hers hatched on Sunday morning despite her negligence. She is looking very pleased with herself and mum and chicks are all doing well.

Since I last blogged I have been continuing with the construction of our French windows which are now all assembled and are ready to go except for the glue and dowels. This week we have been repairing stonework on the gable end of the house and with some respectable degree of success too. Previously our barn was a very effective wind tunnel owing to the gaping holes around the timber purlins and the roof rafters but now the gale blows no more and all is quiet in our rafters. Its very dark in the barn now as we clearly underestimated the amount of light which used to pass through the same holes.

I often talk about the community spirit which has been nurtured amongst a small network of ex pats around here and it has been illustrated again today with Marcus, Dennis and Jane all helping out with the repairing of said gable end. As we beavered enthusiastically at the task in hand I was spattered in the face by a sloppy mix of mortar which inevitably made its way into my eye. I have to say it smarted somewhat and, as I grappled with agony, I was slightly dissapointed to see, out of one eye,  Helen speeding past my teetering scaffold tower, causing me to wobble a shade more than normal, and clearly having no intention to enter into this community spirit thingy.  Having spent many years living with a stone mason, knocking up lime mortar must be a stroll in the park for Helen, but she wisely chose to sail past and turn a blind eye to community spirit.

We have had a bumper crop of apples again this autumn but we have decided not to convert this into gallons of cider as we now know how much extra work this creates. Consequently there are apples laying everywhere waiting for stewing, jamming, chutneying or preserving in some other fashion. I made some very nice blackberry and apple jam last week….good grief, Im getting sad…I used to be a party animal you know!

So the next time I blog will be on the eve of my departure to the UK for three weeks. (Watch out all you donner kebabs) I’m mentally preparing myself to be constricted by time again. Its absolutely fabulous to be free to get up when you want, be it six am or ten (it really isnt six am very often) and not be beholden by the clock but I’d better get used to the sound of my alarm screeching at unearthly o clock. In fact, I’d better get used to knowing what day of the week it is. We do tend to get in the habit here of recognising periods of time as either work o clock or beer o clock, both being enormously flexible.

Its Roz’s turn to brave the English weather and return to work for a couple of weeks which means I’m left home alone ( apart from all the animals) and I dont mind admitting I’m missing Roz alot. As I’m building some French windows and a patio door at the moment I need to go over to a friends workshop where all the right machines are to be found. I have been trying to leave around half nine twenty to ten-ish. Tonight, in order to actually do this I will have to set my alarm for 7am as the horses, chickens, dog and cat take up nearly two hours. Allowing for five minutes in the shower and two eating weetabix I should just make it tomorrow.

The weather has been fabulous again today which has made travelling over to Barry’s workshop on the motorbike very pleasant. I did get hit in the face by a bee travelling in the opposite direction to me at a combined speed of 84 kilometers an hour ( i was doing 80) which marred the experience slightly as it was very painful and I could hear it buzzing around in my helmet for a few seconds before it fell out. I then spent the remainder of the journey waiting to be stung on the chest as I was convinced it had fallen inside my jacket. I must try and locate my full face helmet….it must be here somewhere…in someones barn…probably.

Tragic news from the garden. No sooner had Judith Little Bowes told me about tomato blight which turned her toms black over night than we contracted it. All our plants stricken in the flash of an eye. Fortunately I have salvaged several kilos that were destined to become chutney tonight until I remembered that I had to write this, so they have a reprieve until tomorrow. I hope they last that long.

Gaffer, our hen who was mauled has not only survived the experience but is broody and sitting on eggs again. She is a good mother in waiting and is very attentive to her clutch but somehow she managed to dislodge three eggs from the nest onto the hen house floor without breaking them. I duly came round to do my egg collecting bit and notice three eggs “laid” on the hen house floor. “How considerate of the other TWO hens not to bother mother hen and lay their eggs on the floor ” I thought, scooping up the booty and letting the obvious mathmatical anomoly sail straight over me. After the eggs had be stored in the basket in the kitchen with all the other eggs I went back to get mother hen off the nest for a walk and a drink. The penny dropped when I noticed she was now only sitting on 8 eggs where previously there had been 11. How on earth had they not broken when they fell and how on earth was I going to know which were the fertilized eggs in the basket. I found out at lunch the following day when my hard boiled egg came complete with a viscous sac of veins, arteries and capilleries and lots of very gooey yellow gunk inside of that, none of it looking very hardboiled. Tess enjoyed it though. One down three to go. Hurry home Roz, I will make you an omelette!!